With money being – by far – the biggest stressor in relationships, I know what a massive difference it makes to get this handled once and for all. Unfortunately, so many couples don’t get help, and they end up breaking up or divorcing over an issue that they could have overcome with financial coaching. Too many couples either don’t know that financial coaching is a thing, or they are too embarrassed to share their finances with a stranger. I totally get it, and I appreciate the courage it takes for a couple to get past the awkwardness and reach out. When they do, it’s amazing. I’ll explain what I mean.
First though, let’s talk about the reasons that couples ask me for help. Usually, they need help in one of three scenarios:
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Getting on the same page.
Couples know they need to have “the conversation” but don’t know where to start. They haven’t talked about money at all and want help having the conversation. Some couples try and find they don’t have a common language to communicate with, so their talks are unproductive or frustrating. Then there are couples who attempt to talk about money but end up in heated conversations or full-on fighting. There is hope for all of them!
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They’re going through a transition in life and want help thinking through some financial decisions.
For example, one person gets laid off and they need to adjust their budget and also figure out if that partner can take a few months to try launching a new business or if they need to get a job ASAP.
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Working towards a goal.
Some couples have goals, like paying off debt or becoming homeowners, and want help creating a plan.
So how does couples coaching work?
Ideally, I meet both partners on the consultation call. This way we can all feel each other out. It must work for everyone.
Assuming that everyone is on board, we schedule the first three sessions. Sessions are 60 to 90 minutes long, and they can be held over Zoom or in person if you’re close enough to meet me at my office in Sherman Oaks.
The first two appointments are for me to speak with each partner separately. It’s a casual but deep conversation where I get a better understanding of the situation from each person. More importantly, I get to know their relationship with money and where it came from. Most show up a tad nervous on day 1 and discover it was a much better experience than they were anticipating. My goal is for each person to feel seen, heard, and understood.
After the individual sessions, we have our first joint session where I share my thoughts on the best strategy for success.
From there we continue in weekly sessions, for as long as needed, which is normally three months. After that, we’ll do monthly check in calls for another handful of months, or sometimes ongoingly.
During the weekly sessions, couples learn about their own relationship with money and their partner’s. I help them both improve the way they feel about money and break bad habits of thinking and behavior. I then teach them the complete S.A.V.E. System and we find ways to implement it that works for everyone.
One of my favorite parts – and the one that most of my couples end up enjoying – is the money dates. I recommend that couples set up a time (either weekly or monthly) where they talk about money. I give them specific topics to discuss and encourage them to make these money dates memorable! This becomes an opportunity to connect deeply, and not just about money, but on shared visions, goals, and plans for all aspects of life.
One of the tougher aspects we deal with is deciding if and how to combine, or uncombine, finances. This one is pretty particular to each couple so we’ll design a system that plays to each partner’s strengths and accounts for each one’s weaknesses.
By the three-month mark, each person will notice a significant and lasting shift in the other partner as well as within themselves. We build on that success for as long as it takes and have a dang good time along the way.
I am so proud of the couples that I’ve coached. They’re truly remarkable. I hope you join them.
